Breakup Advise

Welcome to the first Ask Annabelle Posting

I would like to thank all the wonderful people who helped me bring Ask Annabelle to fruition. Below you will find our first letter.

Letter from: Anonymous

Hey Erin. I was just hoping that you could give me some advice on break ups. I’m still hung up on my ex girlfriend, who broke up with me almost eight months ago. We were together for over a year and I can’t seem to let her go. She’s still my best friend, but no matter what I do, I can’t help but want more and to be with her again. Any advice?

Liesel’s Advice:

Break-ups are hard, especially when you are still involved with the person that broke your heart. It sounds like this woman has a special place in your world given that she is still your best friend. I imagine this not only makes it more difficult to let her go, but almost impossible. There really isn’t a right or wrong way to ease your situation; but, given that she is still a close friend, it may be helpful to address your confusion with her so you can put closure on the romantic relationship you two once shared. Before approaching her, however, I encourage you to really evaluate what it is you truly want.  Are you ok with being “just friends,” or is there a part of yourself that still hoping that the two of you will get back together?  If you are finding that it is impossible to move forward while maintaining a relationship with her, it may be helpful to take some space from her so you can heal. If she is truly your best friend, she will understand why you need to take some time. Hopefully, you two can work it out so you can maintain your friendship.

Erin’s Comment

Dear Reader,

Thank you much for sending in your letter.

Like Liesel said, break-ups are hard enough without trying to be friends with the person still. A girlfriend of mine recently went through a similar situation and this was my question to her; If friendship is all your partner is willing to give, what are you comfortable giving? The answer from her was that since she wanted the relationship so badly and a friendship was all it was ever going to be, then she was not interested. She was already too heartbroken.

However, when I asked myself this question a few years ago the answer was just the opposite, I loved this person so much that there was no question as to what I needed to do. I loved the friendship I had, just as much as I loved the idea of having a relationship. I was secure enough in myself to be perfectly happy with either scenario.

I encourage you to look inside yourself and see what it is you really want and what is comfortable for you. If friendship is all this women can offer can you love and accept her as just that?