Reading Material for Newly aware Lesbians

hey you, i dont think i get an answer back but, im from holland so my englisch is a little bit bad lol.
my life sucks you know that i dont know anymore who i am, i have always a fight with my mother, is it normal as 17 years you know everyting about bills en that kind a stuff my mother has a lot of money problems i help her a lot realy i do but somethimes i want to be a 17 year old girl not a 30 year old girl if i ask my friends what they know about what there parents paying about rent there answers are nah i dont know anything about it, but i know everything about it !!! the worst part of it my father said when i was born why couldnt it be a boy.. and i dont wanna have a daughter she is not my daughter that realy does pain im my heart, sow i realy dont know anymore who i am i think i am a lesbian or a bisexuel but even that i dont know it not for sure and sow i see the movie loving annebelle sinds then i realy realy dont know who i am somethimes i think i wish i wasnt born my live sucks everybody says that its gonna be alright but i hear that know for seven years and i think its not gonna be alright you know what i mean ? i hope sow i have a 24/7 job work at the horeca as a kok and at home i clean and clean and clean my live is working sleeping cleaning working sleaping cleaning i think that i dont even have a reasen to live not that i am gonna kill myself ooh noh i dont wanna think about is because there are people that realy care about me… if they wouldnt there for me i wasnt here anymore, im sorry that i dont talk about the lesbian form but this is what was on my heart en i hope that you could give me some advise and maybe the whole word opens for me so i can be a 17 year old girl making fun with friends an go out sometime

thank you for spending the time to read my letter and i hope i will hear something
bye bye greets kim from holland sorry for my wors englisch i hope you can you will understand! X

Thanks for the booklists, actually I’m not pretty sure if I can say I’m a lesbian. The thing is I only had one bf (ex-bf) in my entire life. I’m 29 now, I was in a relationship for 5 years, but after we broke up (coz I left the country, or before even we broke up, I started liking girls like, like like. There is a girl called Charlie that I really like seeing around my place but I can’t even say a word to her anytime I came close to her, and I’m even avoiding to meet her eyes. I’m so nervous and anxious everytime I’m around or close to her. But I always wanted to see her, it’s like my day is not complete without seeing her. I’m not really sure about my feelings about her, coz’ I’m thinking the possibility, that maybe I’m just looking for someone else’s company after my break-up, but I know that she’s really driving me crazy and the thing is I am 100% sure that she is straight. And after just two weeks not able to see her, coz’ it’s easter break, I met my neighbor, I just happened that my nephews and niece started to come over to their place to play with her nieces and one day, they were busy doing this stuff, then I gave her a hand without her asking me to do so. I just felt the urge to help her/them not expecting anything from any of them. And I was surprised and embarrassed ( maybe I blushed) when we finished doing the stuff coz she said something like, you did a great job, (something like that) and you deserve a kiss, then she kissed me two or three times on the cheek. Honestly, I didn’t see it coming especialli from her coz we just met sometime. By the way, she send me pictures when we flew the kite and had a chance to clear things up. And I opened up to her about being shy to talk or to have a conversation, and also about the kiss. She’s glad that I opened up to her in my email, then she opened up too through email and encourage me to be more open in person, be strong,and all sorts of encouragement but most especially… be myself. The thing is I started liking her, like I’m in love with her for the short time we know each other. I started looking out the window to check her car if she’s home or she’s not around. And again, after we opened up in email, this evening, while we’re on our way home from our neighbor’s house, the door opened from outside, and she came in. I felt like, Oh I can’t breathe, I can contain the joy i’m feeling but also I felt like I’m going to faint or something due to shyness and very nervous. I tried to look away while she’s talking and my mind says we need to go but my heart dearly wanted to stay. Until now, I am still confused about myself. And I don’t think, telling her how I really feel is a good idea, coz I don’t really want to loose her, even though if for her, it’s just a friendship. But I do really like her,I’m longing to see her always and hear her voice, laughing or talking, I like the way she handles things, the way she talks, smiles, her point of views, the fact that she is smart and very beautiful inside out and she’s very religious too, so I just don’t want to risk a possible beautiful friendship with her.And the most important thing is, I can’t see myself coming out to my family, friends and people around me. I can’t see myself hanging out with a girlfriend or hooking up with another girl, I mean like to do that but I simply don’t have the nerve to stand for what I want. I am too scared to get out but I’m sure that I really like girls, and now I can’t figure out how to deal with my life. So please give me some advice about my problem. Coz practically, I haven’t talk to anybody about what I am getting through now, so I’m hoping that you could hep me. Thank you.

I don’t have any book recommendations, but I found a Lilly Allen music video of a song of her’s that she recorded which basically tells close minded people to “have a nice day!” I just thought I would share this to bring a little good humor, lightness, and smiles to the topic being discussed. I know discovering this music video & song made me feel a lot better! Enjoy!

Ola! I’m back again!

First, in my last comment I failed to say a very important thing…Thank you! I appreciate so much that you have created this blog to inspire and empower women to raise their voice to talk about their sexuality (whatever that may be), say this is who I am whether anyone likes it or not, ask questions with no microscope hanging over them, and such.

Second, I finally came up with a book recommendation. Recently, Queen Latifah came out with a book that she wrote called “Put Your Crown On.” This book is about the moments in her that she went through (whether negative or positive), that after having gone through them she realized her life would never be the same. Queen Latifah says she decided to put this book out of the journey of her life to inspire other women to “learn to love themselves.” I believe it is a great read that will move and inspire all women.

Thank you and Enjoy!